Music stations

The air is damp and the old table fan is struggling with heat.

At night I turn on the radio, looking for music stations that provide me with soul food.

Almost at midnight, a neighbour came by, asking for cigarettes, I invite him in for a drink.

We talk about trivial things when he told me that he is dying from cancer.

Lately that night I heard the ambulance sirens.

It started to rain.

Paper boats

So i send her a letter, and a few more letters.
And i waited, wondering, did she receive them?

Maybe she burn my letters? 
Or she make the letters into paper boats for the bathtub.

So i waited, a few weeks, a few months.
Paper boats...

Hennessy

She says it’s very hot in here, waving her skirt up and down, I can see her tan thighs and some of her pubic hair. A few hairs curled around the edges of her white lace panties, I try to look away.

She wants me to sit beside her, our shoulders in touch, talking, drinking Hennessy, listening to music, forgot about the world outside.

I don’t know exactly who made the first move, but I know I was eager, I was hungry for her.

I was tasting those moist, soft lips for the first time, kissing her small firm breasts and ran my hands down her naked, smooth thighs.

She was struggling beneath me, while my hands on her soft throat. Her eyes slowly closed, time to time.

Instagram filter

Drinking is like a instagram filter for my life
make it so soft and beautiful

almost bearable...

just a bird

I was sad and lonely, restless, destructive
loved no one, attached to nothing
without a home, nowhere to return

i was...just a bird

Vaya con Dios

She looks so pale and fragile, lying there on hospital bed. On a rainy afternoon, just a shadow of her former self.

I have so much to tell her, how she hurt me so bad. That i was so lost and hopeless, and finally  committed suicide but i survived somehow.

She is trying to say something but she is to weak to speak.

I lean over and whisper in her ear "Vaya con Dios".

Sweetheart

She said; I love you baby

And I say;

I drink too much, i fuck too much

I am too lazy and I have no ambition

So, she answers:

Sweetheart, you are exactly what I need.

Pillow Talking

All I want is to read, to write

A house by the sea

And late-night pillow talking.

Back To Life

I cried that day, that month, that year

And suddenly one day, I find my way

Back to life, back to love.

Your Love

Your love was a rope

Around my neck

And I always knew

It would kill me someday.

Deceive

Her sex is shaved, bathed and perfumed
but she carries death between her legs.

And she will deceive...

Ordinary Man

I have been arrested a few times


Whore house, opium house, gambling house

They say I am drawn to the wrong things

And I feel sorry for the ordinary man.

Rainy Day

It was a grey, rainy afternoon that drove people indoors. This created a soft and sensual atmosphere which fell like a filter over the hidden life of man and woman on the street.

And there are only two things to do in a rainy day like this, writing or loving.

I was already writing for a few hours, so I decided to visit a whore house at the top of a hill, overlooking the Seine.

The Ceiling Fan

I used to sit at the foot of the bed, drinking, listening to the ceiling fan, looking at the floor.

Ants running around frantically, working, living a life, full of purpose.

Then she would caress my back, gently, with top of her soft fingers and asking me, “what are you thinking about sweetheart?”

And I always used to say, “I would be so lost without you”.

Book Stand Girl

She is almost 19 and I am 41. I met her at the book stand along the Seine. She said, “You reminds me about my father that’s why I desire you”.

Here in this small room, in a rainy-day in Paris, protected from the world outside, a place to hide, a place to lose the fears.

The milk dripping from her, as I pound rhythmically, my penis made little sucking sounds. All the air is drawn from her womb, my sex is so fit to her, fill her completely.

And as I swung in and out of the milk continuously, my cock all glistening, hitting the tip of her tiny womb.

Later on, when she sleeps. I stand by the window, sipping my coffee, watching the heavy rain fall down on Paris. Thinking about love, loss and grieve.

A Pearl

She gave me a lot, much more than I asked for

In return, I gave her what was left of me

And now, I am an oyster without a Pearl.

Hotline Bling-part 2

The first strip joint is so boring that I almost get a nose bleed, the second one is better but to crowded, man, it is not my day today, so I decide to get some herbs before I try my luck one more time.

I enter some shitty bar with bartender that looks like a fucking retard, I don’t want to go around the subject so I tell him as it is. “I need some high-quality herbs and I need it A.S.A.P”

The retard goes back to the kitchen and comes back with another retard that looks like him but with crossed eyes, I guess they are cousins or something. I give him the money, he gave me the herbs, I say: “Tata” and leave.

Ten minutes later, on my way to the third strip joint, I decide to check the quality, I lit it up, inhale, hold in, hold in some more and exhale. What the fuck is this? I mean I can’t work with this shit!

I know that is not a smart idea to go back but it’s the principle of the matter. I mean if I let it go, our children will be next, so I go back.

I enter the shitty bar again; the retard bartender is standing there so I tell him what I feel about the whole thing. He goes to the kitchen and comes back with the other retard with crossed eyes. So once again I told the both what I feel about the whole thing.

Nothing, absolutely fucking nothing, unbelievable, they just staring at me without saying a word. This shit is going nowhere so I decided to go.

I am out now and getting a few steps from of the shitty bar while calling a cab to the strip joint. Suddenly i hear the bar door opening hefty and somebody running behind me, I look back with the phone at my ear when some fucking big foot punching me in the face.

This punch caught me off guard, I mean I am flying at one direction and my phone flying at opposite direction, and i see everything in slow motion.

So the punch is so hard that I am airborne, I look down and it feels like I am few feet’s up in the air. It’s not much to do about it so I decide to think happy thoughts.

Hotline Bling, that music video is really something. I imagine myself in the owl hoodie and the Timberland yellow boots. Dancing my way in to the night club while girls going crazy by my moves and throw their pussy on me.

I just can’t stop smiling, I look down, what a hell, I still have a couple of feet’s left to the ground so I go back to happy thoughts.

Back to Hotline Bling music video, I mean all those big size juicy hot chicks, god damn, big ass, big tit, big lips, why not, they got feelings too you know, they deserve to be happy too.

And suddenly I hit the ground with such a force that I feel my balls migrate far away from me, and I notice that I still, despite the circumstances holding a bag of herb in my left hand.

Hotline Bling

So i made it to the plane somehow, i need to calm down so i order whisky to wash down codeine with. A man with an expensive suit start talking about some boring business convention. I pretend that I have an ear lock so I can rest a little bit.

Barely close my eyes when it’s time for landing, the pilot announces: ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Paris!

I am taking a cab straight to the hotel, at the neighbourhood I usually like to stay. Jacques Bonsergent is one of my favourites, near by the canal Saint Martin and about 15 minutes to the Quartier Latin.

At the hotel the same dramatic greetings, handshake, hug, kiss on the both cheeks, chitchatting while checking in, one more handshake and finally I am in my room.

Standing there, by the window, it’s hard to decide, lorazepam or diazepam? Why the hell should I choose anyway so I take them both.

I check out my phone: E-mail, G-mail, Messenger, Tinder, Facebook, WhatsApp, Telegram, Instagram, why the fuck do I have all this shit install? I really don’t know.

I get all dizzy and before I know it I fall in sleep, shortly after, not that short, more precisely 6 hours later, hotel phone rings, I guess I was smart enough to order a wakeup call, great.

Jump in to the shower, quick wash, brush my teeth, shave my face, shave my balls, jump out of the shower, looking at the watch, 12 minutes only, god damn that’s good!

Getting dressed, call a cab, while waiting hitting the minibar, I love those little bastards: whisky, Vodka, Bacardi, they are so cute so you have to drink them all.

Cab driver ask me where, "to the Clichy" I say, he laughs, I guess he knows to well about all the crazy shit, that is going on there.

My funny valentine-part 2

I don’t know for how long I was sleeping when somebody knocking at my door, unsteady I open the door.

She is standing there, tilting her head and looking wonderful.

“I just want to see if you are alright and kind of apologise”.

I don’t know what to say, I guess I am very surprised.

“You want to let me in?” she asks and smiling. 

I can’t believe it, she is in my room. Young and beautiful, life hadn’t get to her yet, uncorrupted. She talks and acts freely, true to her feelings.

I ask if she would like a drink. She nods, she also wants to listen to the movie soundtrack. I am standing beside the table, looking for the song at my laptop.

Then she comes behind me, I can feel her small and firm breasts, nipples hard, slightly brushing my skin.

I move to the wall shelves with bottles, saying that the soda is finished, going out of the room. Passing by the reception, to the wending machines, where I met her for the first time, that night.

When I come back she is sitting on my bed, reading a book, I pour two drinks, hers mostly soda, mine mostly whisky.

She says it’s very hot in here, waving her skirt up and down, I can see her tan thighs and some of her pubic hair. A few hairs curled around the edges of her white lace panties, I try to look away.

She wants me to sit beside her, our shoulders in touch, talking, drinking, listening to music, forgot about the world outside.

I don’t know exactly who made the first move, but I know I was eager, I was hungry for her.

I was tasting those moist, soft lips for the first time, kissing her small firm breasts and ran my hands down her naked, smooth thighs.

She was struggling beneath me, while my hands on her soft throat. Her eyes slowly closed, time to time.

A few moments later, she is moaning, her body shivers and she is burring her nails into my back and screams.

I weak up all sweaty, my heart is pounding, all alone in dark room, the heat is unbearable.

I take a walk to the beach, staring at the moon, thinking. Hemingway tasted his shotgun, Sylvia with her head in the oven and Chatterton drinking rat poison.

Yes, I know, I am a coward, hanging to this, so called life.

The remaining time, which is couple of days before she is going back, I stay in my room, hiding myself as usual.

And the day she leaves I am drunk, sad and drunk, listening to music and seek comfort by rereading my favourites. I turn a page on Hemingway, when I noticed a post it, I see a drawing of a little heart and three words: My funny valentine.

My funny valentine

The heat was unbearable, through the half open window I could hear them.

Here is the playground for the privileged students and ambitious ones, another golden star to have, another trophy to collect.

So, what am I doing here, well you could call it an abnormality. Because I am an underachiever, an outcast and always late.

20 minutes here, 20 minutes there, it ads up to weeks, to months, I am years behind. Time is tragic.

I keep drinking with jazz in the background, here in this small room I am typing my Life away.

Then I hear it, I have been longing for it, this is one of the reasons why I miss Paris so much.

I pour myself a big one, roll a double, grab my phone and rush to the pool area. Which is deserted by now because of the rain.

There is a beautiful swimming pool here, surrounded by orange trees and begonias, on top of the hill.

I find a nice spot under the orange trees at the end of the pool, it’s quiet and peaceful.

I am watching raindrops pitting the mirror surface of the swimming pool. Listening to music and drinking, thinking, some people live like this.

Suddenly the wonderful scent of coconut vanilla filling the air, I close my eyes and breath in, let it fill my lungs.

When I open my eyes, she is standing in front of me. Green eyes, light brown hair, olive coloured skin and what a lovely face.

She wears a pale, lime summer dress, perfectly fit to her body, holding a wine glass and smiling.

“So, you hiding here, why you run away that night? It’s rude you know?” she said with a cute French accent.

I try to say something smart but all I produce is. “Well yeah, I mean no.”

“Wow, that explains everything” she said.

“You are a writer? Right?”.

“Me? No, I just write, not even good at it”.

“You are strange, you know”.

Embraced, I think she feels me so she asks. “it’s just like Paris now, yes?”

I have so much to say but then survival instinct taking over, I know I have to create distance, don’t let anybody reach my core, I am almost leaving when she said.

“What is the song you were listening?”

I truly love two things: writing and music, and unfortunately these two makes me lose my head.

“Mambo king’s movie soundtrack”

“The movie with Antonio Banderas?” she said.

“You heard that soundtrack?” I ask surprisingly.

“Oh, my God, I love it!”.

“Beautiful Maria” is one of my favourite songs”.

Then she put her wine glass down, sits next to my pool chair, leans towards me, her lips inches away.

“La bella Maria de mi amor” she said softly. Looking at me in a different way now.

So, we talk, she knows a lot about music, arts and literature. She is sentimental and like most of them she is sad and profound. And she will be betrayed in many ways, many times.

And we talk some more, I don’t know for how long, but suddenly it’s dark and I remember that I have to go, create distance.

“Oh really? Runaway again? Strange and coward, that’s what you are! Runaway coward!” I hear her shouting while I am leaving.

Her words echoing in my mind, cutting through me like a sharp knife, deeply.

I get back to my room somehow, shamed, devastated and very tired. I lay down in my bed and before I know it I fall in sleep.